Vegeta Kills All Sues
by Sai's Fujiwara
Summary: The Sues are everywhere, causing pain to all involved. This is the true Anti-Sue fic.
1. Default Chapter

"I can't believe I sung that..."

Vegeta hit himself on the head in exasperation for acting Out-Of-Character in the last chapter.

"Can't believe-"

"What, my dearest love?"

A voice was coming from outside the bathroom that he was in. It sounded like a female, but not like anyone that he formally knew. He didn't answer, just like he normally did when someone called him, unless it was Bulma. If it was her, he would respond with unwavering speed.

"Dearest, why must you behave so?"

She stuck the key in the lock and opened the door to the bathroom. She swooned at the sight of Vegeta crouching against the sink.

He turned around, surprised.

"Get out, stupid bitch!"

He punched her in the face, sending her flying through the wall. Blood smeared across the tiled floor on which she lay. She didn't look like a human anymore; more like a fly that had been swatted and smeared across the glass on a window. He had killed another Sue.

The Sues have been stalking him for years. They would throw themselves upon him like horny dogs in public places such as the mall, or in the not so public ones like an outhouse. This time, it had been his very own bathroom. You would think that the others would know of his predicament, but knowing Vegeta, he wouldn't tell anyone. Not even Bulma.

Then he came up with a plan. He would call upon Shenron to kill them all. He tried to use his signature moves to kill them, but they were so numerous. He just couldn't kill them all even though most of them had traceable chi levels to where he could track them down. It was just the fact that they were scattered across the globe in such a manner that it would take nothing short of blowing up the planet to get rid of them all. He didn't want to do that; he was greatly attached to Earth.

So he went with Bulma's Dragon Radar in search of the Dragon Balls. When Bulma asked him why, he simply replied, "So I can get you a decent gift whenever I feel like it." With her worries assuaged, he could carry out the plan without worry.

"Dragon, hear my wish!"

"Your wish... is granted."

Shenron's eyes glowed, and almost immediately shrill screams can be heard from every place on the globe. The loud, high-pitched squeals made Vegeta's stomach churn. The sounds reminded him of the movie Salem's Lot for some weird reason. Eventually, the screams stopped, and a relieved Vegeta stuck his hands in his pockets and walked to the nearest convenience store.

He reached for the 12-pack of beer in the cooler section and pulled it out. He made his way to the cash register, but he spotted a huge can of beef jerky. Not wanting to miss this opportunity, he grabbed it with his other hand and walked away quickly to the cash register.

The cashier rung up the items.

"$17.47, my love. Aren't my locks the most BEE-EE-AY-YEWTIFUL brown locks? TEHKEWL1!!!"

She jumped at him from behind the counter. He immediately flung her into the giant pyramid of canned SPAM. Cans flew everywhere, Vegeta managed to pocket one when she wasn't looking, and walked away. Unfortunately, she was still alive. Her Soother apparently gave her the power to go Super Saiyan, and she did.

"You loser! You need me to fulfill your greatest desire that Bulma couldn't assuage! You love me no matter what 'cause I'm OMIGOD!! TEHAWT1!!!"

She flung herself at him like a horny dog. He quickly turned Super Saiyan and batted her away. She charged again. He kicked her in the back of the head and flew up into the sky.

"Sit back, bitch... and watch my favorite move..."

She had lost consciousness, so he would most definitely hit the target.

"Big Bang Attack!"

And thus the Sue that worked at the convenience store was dead.

As Vegeta walked home with his 12-pack while munching on jerky, he wondered, "If I wished all the Sues to die, then why did I run into one just now?"

The he stopped thinking about it and smiled at the fact that he got out of paying for the food he was carrying.

"Hey Vegeta, can I have some jerky?"

Oh no... if it wasn't the Sue, it was Kakarrot.

"What do you want?"

Goku held out his hands like a beggar about to receive either a hundred dollars or a bottle of whiskey.

"Forget it, Kakarrot."

"But Vegeta, I saw what you did!"

"Yeah. So? It was a Sue."

"They're stalking me too."

Vegeta was shocked at the idea that Kakarrot even HAD a stalker. Then again, he was the stronger of the two, and the main character as well...

"Really?"

"Yeah. Once a Sue peered through our bedroom window while me and Chichi were making Goten and-"

"You fucked her too?" Vegeta suppressed a giggle.

"Nah. Chichi saw her too, and boy was she mad. She cut the Sue's head clean off with her frying pan."

Vegeta stared at him for a second, wondering how the hell a frying pan could be able to cut off heads.

Then they sat at a bench in a park, sharing the beer and jerky. A girl was leaning over the nearby trash can cutting her wrists with a razorblade and mumbling about how no one liked her because she was ugly. Goku should have known to stay away from the Mary Sue, but empathy got the best of him. He went up to tell her that everything would be okay, and he gave her a hug plus a beer.

Then she said her first words to him. "YOU ARE SO TEHHAWT!!!" Next, she slashed the veins on her wrists open with the aforementioned razorblade and yelled, "I AM NOT SUE! I AM TORTURED SOUL! GOTTTHHH! EVANESCENCE ROXXXX!"

She ran around like mad with her wrists in the air and blood spewing from her wrists like a water fountain. Vegeta bowled over in laughter.

"Looks a lot like a chicken running around with its head cut off!"

The girl stopped and stared at him with "Deep pools for eyes". That was a common statement in Sue fics.

Goku didn't get it, as always. "What? That's not funny."

Vegeta paused for a moment then said, "Get back to running around like a retard."

That the Sue did. She ran until her blood stopped gushing, and she stopped living.

"That was a Mary Sue, Kakarrot." He hit Goku square across the jaw.

"Sorry Vegeta."

"Kakarrot, we need to go to Namek and wish these Sues dead."

"But Vegeta, everyone in Dragon World knows that they are being created by Suethors!"

"They are?"

Goku nodded.

"Then we must kill them too."

"No can do," Goku looked ambivalent. "They live in another world."

"What world?"

"The 'Real' world."

"Kakarrot, shut up. The beer's getting to you."

Vegeta couldn't believe Kakarrot at all. He left him singing about oatmeal in the park and went home.

He opened the door, and some characters from another show were there having an orgy with Bulma, who was screaming in pain.

"Vegeta, HELP!"

With a few dispatched energy blasts, the cast of YuYu Hakata was no more. Bulma slowly crawled up to him.

"Who were they, Bulma?"

"They were created by a crossthor."

"A crossthor?"

Bulma swallowed. "The authors of crappy crossover fics."

"How long has it been happening?"

"As long as I can remember!"

Vegeta got a determined look on his face. "Don't worry."

He picked her up and walked to the hospital wing. She suddenly yelped in pain and pointed to her armpit with her chin by nodding.

"Don't worry."

He set her down and called the doctor.

"Don't worry."

Bulma pointed to her armpit again. Vegeta couldn't help himself. He had to see what she was pointing to, if it helped her...

He slowly pulled apart the seams of her shirt. Bulma pointed again. He continued. By now, her shirt was completely off. He took a moment to look at her bare breasts. They seemed to be calling him, pink nipples slowly becoming hard to the climate change from 'top on' to 'topless', jiggling slightly, but just a little bit. He tore himself away from the sight and lifted up her arm to see what was up. To his horror, there was a deep gash running about five inches in length under her arm. Bulma went unconscious just as the doctors rushed in.

"She'd better be okay, dammit!"

"She is. She just suffered from an armpit boning."

"A WHAT?!"

Bulma was wheeled out from the operating room. Barely out of the anesthesia, she smiled softly at every blurry face she saw.

The doctor continued to explain. "According to our DNA testing, it has been confirmed that this is the crime of a crossthor.

Vegeta was lost in thought. "Yes. The ones I destroyed."

Bulma was still very sedated. "Happens a lot. They say that teenage girls are the perpetrators..."

"So teenage girls are Suethors?"

The doctor started at his watch. He was interested in how the hands on it moved so slowly.

"Doctor?"

The doctor collapsed on the floor, then started going into convulsions. Vegeta kicked him and the doctor got up, this time with a stupid grin on his face. He gave Vegeta a hug and attempted to grope his ass.

"Disgusting!"

He threw the doctor out the window. He grabbed the windowsill and pulled himself back in. He then spoke.

"I LOVE YOU! I WANT TO MAKE LO-OVE TO YOU!"

The doctor attacked with a scratching, catfight style. Vegeta noticed that there weren't any weapons around, so he blasted a hole through the Stu, and it once again fell out of the window, followed by the sound of a car being smashed resulting in its alarm going off.

In came the nurse. She saw the two jars next to Bulma. One of them had the IV food in it and went through Bulma's arm. The second jar held Bulma's urine, and it was almost full. In contrast, the IV food jar was almost empty, so the nurse simply switched the two jars to where urine was going into her veins, and coming out as more urine. As she finished, she looked at Vegeta and muttered.

"Fock me fock me fockmefockmefockme!"

Vegeta prepared an energy blast.

Out from the nurse's twitching mouth came a billowing mass of smoke. The smoke transformed into a teenage girl.

She smirked at the idea of being free.

Vegeta was irritated. "Oh, no. Not another Sue..."

"i'm a class f sue," she said, matter-of-factly. "Shut up or i'll chase you with a cleaver until help impregnate me with ass-babies."

He shivered, but maintained the bold facade. "So you're the Sue who doesn't know how to use a fucking shift key! HAHAHA!"

"How do you know that?"

"Easy. You torture be before every episode of 'The Blair Vegeta Project'. You're Vekura."

"Who told you that?"

"That's for me to know, and for you..."

He powered up as high as he could go. Vekura follows suit, only at the same time stripping naked. With her gigantic breasts jiggling, she flew full-force at him. She threw a couple of punches.

He blocked both of her punches by grabbing her fists. For a moment, they were locked in the classic "Test of Strength" move. Then he kicked her in the stomach. As she flew backward, her breasts jiggled again. They seemed to tempt him.

She hit him in the face, which sent him flying.


	2. Stan

He crashed into a huge skyscraper, which crumbled in his wake. He stood there clenching his fists. Vekura flew at him again, this time assuming the missionary position. She pinned him and began tugging at his clothes. He knew she wanted some. They all did.

She succeeded in ripping his pants off. As he lay there in his underwear, he tried to break free, but she was much too strong. She bore down on him.

"Make me bear your child!"

"Never!"

He couldn't move. She moved in a jackhammer-type motion as she drove her sheath around his manhood. He powered up out of pure reflex. Super Saiyan. Super Saiyan 2-

She was so surprised at Vegeta's sudden surge of power that she was flung backwards. He quickly flew up and prepared a blast.

"Final Flash!"

She did a handstand, legs spread wide exposing her purple inner parts. As he fired the blast, she sucked it up using those selfsame parts. Then she was knocked over.

"Dad, I'm here for you!"

Mirai landed on his feet after knocking her over. He fell over in fatigue. Suddenly the Sues that have been chasing Mirai attempted an 80-some. They all tried to get a bit of Mirai while he gasped for air and his life.

"Nooo!"

Vegeta had to do something, for he wasn't about to give up his son to a bunch of whores. He powered up as high as he was able to go in order to get their attention.

"Hey! Up here!" He yelled.

He showed then his middle finger, then he fired the deadliest blast he had ever fired in his entire life into the mass. For the second time in his life, he had converted his life force into pure energy in a suicide attempt. Mirai was able to flee because they weren't focused on banging him anymore. He flew as fast as he could away from the Sues, Vekura, and Vegeta's suicide attempt. The blast hit them directly, instantly killing all of them and leaving no remains.

"I... d-did it..."

Vegeta crashed to the ground, overexerted to the point of extreme pain. Amid all the pain, he smiled.

"...for you, Trunks..."

The past few days have been very quiet for Mirai Trunks. There haven't been any Sues chasing after him since his father gave his life to save him. Mirai looked out the window.

"I wonder where all the Sues went..."

It was unusually quiet. The wind banged against Capsule Corp. incessantly, leaving the impression that he was alone in the house.

_**My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why...**_

_**I got out of bed at all**_

_**The morning rain clouds up my window...**_

_**And I can't see at all...**_

He managed to rustle up some breakfast, which was difficult because he was deep in thought. _I didn't think he'd give his life for me...._ _I thought he was selfish and didn't care whether I lived or died._ He took in a mouthful of cereal and chewed on his thoughts for a moment.

_I should repay him... I must obliterate the rest of them even if it means joining my father in Other World._ He finished his breakfast and made his way to the gravity chamber.

While walking down the hall, he couldn't help but notice all the pictures of Trunks enjoying himself with his mom and dad. _Wow, they sure had some great times together. I only wish I was that fortunate. He paused a moment to admire the photos._

_**... and even if I could, it'll all be gray**_

_**but your picture on my wall**_

_**It reminds me, that it's not so bad...**_

_**It's not so bad...**_

_Well, I'd better get going._

_**Dear Mirai, I wrote you but you still ain't calling.**_

_**I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom.**_

_**I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a-got 'em**_

_**There probably was a problem at the post office or something.**_

_**Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em.**_

_**But anyways, what's been up? Mirai, how's your mother?**_

_**My Daughter-in-law's pregnant, I'm about to be a grandpa.**_

_**If it's a daughter, guess what they'll call her?**_

_**They'll name her Pan.**_

_**I heard about your dad too, I'm sorry.**_

_**Those Sues are crazy bitches, I don't blame him for killing himself.**_

_**I woulda done it too, if I was in the situation.**_

_**Tell ya what? I'll come and train with ya**_

_**if it's not too much trouble, of course, but I have my own problem.**_

_**Sues are stalking me.**_

_**Anyways, I hope you get this letter Mirai, hit me back, just to chat, here to help, **_

_**sincerely yours, **_

_**Goku**_

He messed with the machine by pushing buttons and experimenting with it. He set it as high as it could go, which nearly pasted him to the floor.

"Don't hurt yourself."

Mirai strained himself to look towards to door. Trunks and Goten stood there, puzzled by the fact that Mirai was training alone. As the solution, they volunteered to train with him.

"Why exactly are you doing this?" Trunks asked as he fired a punch at Mirai's face, which he easily dodged.

"I'm avenging, er..." he couldn't bring himself to say that their father killed himself in an effort to destroy a legion of Sues.

"Just training."

Both Trunks and Goten stopped fighting him. "We know that's not the reason. Something's bothering you."****

Mirai was surprised at their insight, so he decided to tell them the truth.

"I'm avenging Dad."

Dear Mirai, you haven't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance 

_**I ain't mad, I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans.**_

_**If you didn't want to talk to me at the Budokai**_

_**You didn't have to, but you coulda given me a decent boinking**_

_**For my fangirl sister, she's only eight years old**_

_**We waited in the blistering cold for four hours and you just said "No."**_

_**That's pretty shitty man, you're like her fucking idol**_

_**She wants to be inside you man, she likes you more than I do**_

_**I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to**_

_**Remember when we met in Satan City – you said that if I banged you, you would bang back – see I'm just like you in a way**_

_**I never knew my father neither;**_

_**He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her**_

_**I can relate to what you say and do**_

_**So when I have a shitty day, I drift away by writing about you**_

_**Cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed**_

_**I even got a tattoo with your face on my left breast**_

_**Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds**_

_**It's like adrenaline, the pain is a sudden rush for me**_

_**See everything you do is real, and I respect you cause you're cute**_

_**My boyfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7**_

_**But she don't know you like I know you Mirai, no one does**_

_**He don't know what it was like for people like us growing up**_

_**You gotta call me cutey, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose**_

_**Sincerely yours, **_

_**Raven-chan**_

_**PS. – We should be together too. **_


End file.
